infinity

Here's my key Philosophy A freak like me Just needs infinity Relax Take your time To trust in me And you will find Infinity..! Infinity (2008)

new year, new beginning?

"Aaoo Huzoor Tumko
Sitaroon Mein Le Chaloon
Dil Jhoom Jaye Aisi
Bahaaron Men Le Chaloon..."

Couple of hours past midnight, the smell of cigarattee and orange light from the lamp fills the bedroom. Yet another year dawns a yet another beginning. Or does it?!

circles...

Just like the seasons, I change
What to believe, I feel so small
Fight for what's right, don't need anything
Turn around, and then want it all

There's so much I can say
Yet I wonder what I should do
I'm free, still tied and locked to emotion
But desire splits me in two

There I go running in circles
As the earth spins around
One minute I feel on top
And the next second you see, I'm brought down

Like a pebble on a beach
I watch the waves come and pound
Waiting for some inspiration
Or until fate comes around

The answers seem so far away
So I just close my eyes
It's so hard to understand
But the truth can not hide

There I go running in circles
As the day turns to night
One minute I feel on top
And the next second you see I've lost my sight

[Words: Lou Francese - Madrid]

silence..?

"Another beginning." "Can you tell the difference?" 

"What do you think?" 

"Hmm..." "Isn't it quite a thing." 

"It is." "Amazing!" "Its amazing how it happens." "Can you figure it out?" 

"No." "But not all things need an explanation." 

"True." "Are you searching for one?" 

"What do you think?" 

In the arms of morning the stars fade in the twilight... In the arms of night the stars fall from the sky...

hush..!

She was unaware of his eyes lingering on her skin. Unaware when she got out of the bed, unaware when she came out of shower wrapped in a towel, unaware when she stood in front of the mirror and let the towel drop on the floor...

"You're beautiful!" He said lazing his eyes on her curves. Surprised, she turned back. "You're awake?" She met the naughtiness in his eyes with hers, trying in vain to conceal her smile. "I was going to wake you up", she said slipping into her salwaar kameez. "I woke up when you left me in the bed.., alone!" He replied with an impish smile, climbing off from the bed. "Might I remind you that I have to go shopping with mom?" She said stealing an iniquitous glance at his nakedness.

He was drawn to her fragrance. Raising her eyes to the mirror, she saw him moving closer and her heart started throbbing in her throat. Her senses were suddenly alive of his presence. A breath escaped from her lungs and she closed her eyes as his arms slid over her waist. The sensation was spurring her flame inside.

Gently, he turned her around, grazing his eyes over her face, her closed eyes, her quivering lips... She felt his fingers tracing her back, slipping inside her clothes, and gently pulling her close... He playfully brushed his lips over hers.., teasing her.., sensing the heat rising inside...

Suddenly, she broke away from his arms, ran to the door, opened it, and turned around to face him wearing her mischievous smile. "Hush..!" She said before closing the door behind...

personal renewal...

Here are some excerpts from John Gardner's writings on "Personal Renewal"...

***

Life is an endless unfolding, and if we wish it to be, an endless process of self-discovery, an endless and unpredictable dialogue between our own potentialities and the life situations in which we find ourselves. By potentialities I mean not just intellectual gifts but the full range of one's capacities for learning, sensing, wondering, understanding, loving and aspiring.

***

We cannot dream of a Utopia in which all arrangements are ideal and everyone is flawless. Life is tumultuous -- an endless losing and regaining of balance, a continuous struggle, never an assured victory.

***

"Meaning is not something you stumble across, like the answer to a riddle or the prize in a treasure hunt. Meaning is something you build into your life. You build it out of your own past, out of your affections and loyalties, out of the experience of humankind as it is passed on to you, out of your own talent and understanding, out of the things you believe in, out of the things and people you love, out of the values for which you are willing to sacrifice something. The ingredients are there. You are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life. Let it be a life that has dignity and meaning for you. If it does, then the particular balance of success or failure is of less account."

--John Gardner's writings

"Personal Renewal"
Delivered to Mckinsey & Company
Phoenix, AZ
Novemver 10, 1990

come walk by me...

Come walk by me,
In the miasma of ambiguity
enveloping the shores

Come walk by me,
In the obscurity of the night
bleached by moonlight

Come walk by me,
In the resonance of splashes
of the incensed waves

Come walk by me,
And let the night witness
our fading footprints

Come walk by me
on the sands of life,
leaving the reminiscence
of our existence
to be washed away
by the tides of time...

behind the mask..

Vicious waves crash along the shoreline of my life 

zephyr turns into nor'easter

an aching blizzard congeals my heart 

I lived so far in the miasma of my illusions

a figment of my imagination

a fantasy

I thought

I kept telling myself

I made myself believe 

I struggled

besieged

deceived by my own devise

I fell

appalling

fathomless pit of agony

I dreaded 

visions

dreams twirling into nightmare

I concealed

notes

lyrics of my love

I wished 

relentlessly

inexorably to have her in my life

how..?!!

How do you feel when you loose something you've always dreamt of having, but never had? How do you feel when you loose your dreams? How do you feel living as someone you didn't want to be? How do you feel not living with someone you wanted so badly, but living with someone whom you don't know? How long can one go on living like this?

another sleepless night...

Voices in the ears,

words loose their meaning,

and fail to strike a chord

in the heart.

The head rests on the pillow

in the hour of darkness.

Dreams become remote

as eyes accustom themselves

the the weight of 

insignificant thoughts,

devising means

to foster stupor.

Constantly being consumed

by the void,

the soul relentlessly aches

to secede from the body,

and abandon the materialistic.

Another sleepless night...