a late night walk... (Part 2)

The breeze outside was cold and thick. He knew: that he did not have any place to go to; that he was carrying too much luggage for his mind; that he had slept badly every night; that the Bangalore weather has inexplicably changed to colder for him in the last four years; the four year long bourgeois muddle of continuance; cold enough to have put him through many tough situations. He believed that everybody had their life entirely in their hands and were required to live with their own errors and mistakes.

None of this mattered to him though. It may even have pleased him in some way. Pleased him and amused him enough to make him smile. He was experiencing an un-anchored sensation of not knowing exactly how to make life as eventful and as important as possible, but he knew that he wouldn't fail of courage if courage was required.

Walking down the water laden streets from the spell of rain: he was contemplating the colossal structure of Prestige Acropolis appartments at the intersection of Hosur Road and Thavarekere Main Road, about 300 meters from where he lived, contemplating the life he has lived in the past four years. "How different would it be not living here in Bangalore?" His thoughts drifted back in time...

a late night walk... (Part 1)

"I must have dozed off", he said to himself as he opened his eyes. A slight burning sensation in his stomach was making him uneasy. He cursed himself for the overdose of alcohol from early that evening. That evening had been great though. He had been to the 13th Floor; his favorite place, with his favorite friends, and had spent some real quality time there.

Getting out of the bed, he dragged himself to the kitchen bare feet, dressed in his pajamas and fixed himself a glass of water. Water was cold! And with that sip of water, he felt his senses coming to life. Everything was cold. He was feeling cold. Bangalore weather at its best, he smiled to himself walking back to his bedroom.

Just when he was about to get into bed again when a near-distant noise of dogs howling on the streets caught his attention. Walking up to the open windows he leaned against the cold windowpane. It was dark outside. The cold breeze brushed against his face and caressed his hairs. The early summer weather, crispy and dry, filled with plenty of mid afternoon sunshine and pleasant evening, had suddenly and rudely turned cold and miserably wet. This sudden change in the weather, however, filled his mind with satisfaction.

A perfect time for a late night walks, or should he brand it as an early morning walk? He looked at his watch with a sense of indecision. It was 2:17am. If he were to ask anyone for the company, they could consider him thickheaded and stupid. But then again, there was no one he could have approached for this obtuse idea at this hour, he mocked himself. Ten minutes later, he was in his nike and track suit standing outside his house overlooking the intersection of the 2nd Cross.

Four years have gone by since he moved to this house. In the past four years, so many things have changed, so many people have changed, he has changed. The illusion of a sparkling and dazzling city life has long faded from his mind. Lighting up a cigarette and pushing the thought away from his mind he started walking into the darkness. Knowing not where to go, knowing not why was he doing this, knowing not what inside made him feel like doing it. He just wanted to do it…

the retreat...

The heat burning my soul. I see mirage on the road. I have been chasing emptiness all my life. Milky way bright, in the fading twilight. Unfulfilled wishes, of stars falling in the night. I have been praying all my life. Rough wind caught in my eyes. Eroded dreams and bitter lonliness hidden in my tearless cries. I've been travelling all my life. Searching for that one retreat, where I could spend all my life.